Stay-At-Home Spa Sunday

Today was a lovely, relaxing day. P went kayaking for a couple of hours this morning while I slept in. Then we got together a picnic of bread, cheese, and raspberries and took it to the South Carolina Botanical Gardens. It was a nice, warm afternoon. After eating, P and I revisited a shaded swing where we’d had one of our first dates. However, there were bees everywhere, so we didn’t stay long. When we got home, I took a nap on P’s arm while he read. I had to work at 6, so P headed back to Greenville. Tonight I am planning a little stay-at-home spa night. Here are a few of my suggestions for having one yourself:

candles bath

  • light candles
  • relax in a bubble bath (with or without an adult beverage*wink, wink*)
  • pamper your skin with a facial mask
  • give yourself a manicure
  • take the time to exfoliate and moisturize your skin
  • make a cup of herbal or non-caffeinated tea
  • relax in your fluffiest robe or comfiest pajamas
  • pile up the pillows in your bed and spend time reading a book or magazine or catching up on tv
  • plan out your outfit for the next day so that you can sleep in a little and won’t have to worry about it in the morning

What do you like to do to pamper yourself at home?

Dear Fat People

So I’ve been away for a long while again, but nothing motivates me to get back to blogging quite like righteous indignation. Which is what I felt Monday. By now, I’ve simmered down to mere frustration and disappointment. For those of you who may not know, a YouTube personality and “comedian” released a video a couple of days ago entitled “Dear Fat People,” in which she purports to finally give voice to what everyone has always wanted to say to fat people (I didn’t know that all non-fat people had had a convention and agreed on what they’d like to say to fat people, nor did I realize that people had been holding back from saying it before). Nicole Arbour claims that she is trying to help fat people and inspire them to get healthy; however, her video is about six minutes of ranting against fat people, body positivity, and obesity. I know that whenever I really want to help people, I think the best way to go about it is by shouting how disgusting and horrible I think they are….not.

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That stupid video has pretty much dominated my thoughts since I saw it Monday morning. And people have told me to just brush it off and not let it get to me. One of the learning specialists I work with at my job says, “They can’t get your goat if they don’t know where it’s tied.” It’s just hard to hide a metaphorical goat that I physically have to wear around every day. And I don’t know exactly what it was about this particular video that upset me so much. I guess it’s all the attention that it got on the internet and the fact that it’s much easier to brush off little comments here and there, or discount one jerk and chalk their opinion up to rare ignorance or meanness, than it is to ignore an entire video tirade and all of the “likes” and supportive comments it received. I mean, it takes a few seconds for some douchebag to make a rude comment, on the internet or in person, but it must have taken Nicole Arbour hours of planning, preparation, filming, and editing to put that video together. She devoted hours of her time in order to make an entire video shaming other people. To be fair, I have kept myself in a protected little bubble, following body positive accounts on Instagram, reading articles about plus-sized women like Tess Holliday making a career in modeling, and surrounding myself with people who don’t see my waistline as a measure of my worth. In this bubble, I allowed myself to believe that our culture was moving in the right direction, that we were starting to focus on health and acceptance and loving everyone, rather than putting people in boxes and categories based on their appearance, gender, sexual orientation, etc. and spreading more hate.

Consider my bubble well and truly burst.

As of yesterday, I’ve had to admit that we as a society have not made as big a stride as I’d hoped. We live in a world where people like Nicole Arbour, who have probably never been fat or obese, can create hateful content that makes wild assumptions about people they don’t even know under the guise of “trying to help.” This video presents something of a quandary for me. I believe in free speech, so I believe that Nicole has the right to say whatever she wants. However, I also believe that we should all use our power and influence wisely. So I guess, I’m just wishing for a world in which we wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not to censor hate speech. When she was called out for bullying, Nicole tried to hide behind the label of comedy, as if nothing intended for comedic purposes could ever be considered hurtful or just plain wrong. What’s worse, she’s now trying to turn this into a feminist issue by trying to claim that people are only mad because she’s a woman.

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Pardon my French, but bitch, please. There’s an issue because you claimed, “Fat-shaming is not a thing. Fat people made that up.” Yet your entire video is one long fat-shaming rant. I can understand that it is hard for female comedians to be taken seriously, so maybe that’s why Nicole felt she had to resort to such lazy comedy. However, comedians like Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, and Amy Schumer are wildly successful, yet they didn’t have to insult a (no pun intended) large group of people. Please do not claim sexism is the reason that people are upset that you compared fat people to Frankenstein, suggested a special parking section for fat people further from the store so they’d have to walk more, and even encouraged people to “stop eating” if they were offended by your comments. Really? Stop eating? Yes, let’s encourage people to develop eating disorders so that you will feel more comfortable and not have to live with fat people. Sounds reasonable…

This brings up another point: the misguided belief that all fat people are fat because they sit around eating Big Macs all day. There are a myriad of reasons that people may struggle with their weight. Seriously, it is often WAY MORE complex than simply loving food too much. I would try to list some of them, but I honestly don’t think that people really need to explain or justify their weight to anyone besides their doctor. At the end of the day, someone else’s body is none of your f**king business.

Another problem with Nicole’s pathetic bid for fame is that she can dish out criticism and hate, but she can’t take it. Once people starting commenting negatively about the video and calling for its removal, she disabled the comments, preventing anyone from voicing a disagreement with her. She couldn’t even give a good reason for her decision:

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Atrocious grammar and text slang aside, it’s obvious that Nicole does not actually care about her audience and what they do and don’t appreciate in terms of “comedy.” This tweet only confirms that Nicole didn’t make the video to “help” or “inspire” fat people to get healthy. Nicole does not care about me and she doesn’t care about other fat people. Nicole made this video to become relevant and get attention. If you read through her tweets since the video’s creation and watch her latest video, “Most Offensive Video Ever” (in which she makes jokes of abuse and racism), you can see that she doesn’t care that her video was hurtful. The only thing she cares about is the fact that she’s gotten more subscribers to her YouTube channel since “Dear Fat People” was posted.

Speaking of those people who subscribed to Nicole because of “Dear Fat People,” part of the reason that this video has stirred up so much controversy and been so hurtful, at least to me, is all of the people who are agreeing with Nicole’s particular brand of “inspiration.” Not only do fat people see a video of one woman insulting and berating them, they see this as well:

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Wow. I’m sorry, I just didn’t realize how my body was affecting you and your life. Oh, wait…

And you know what? The things that these people are saying are nothing new. They aren’t anything different from what fat people have heard their entire lives. In fact, these are things that I’ve told myself. I was a chunky kid and I encountered my fair share of bullies, starting with name-calling in elementary school. I used to lay in my bed at night and pray to God to make me skinny. I also hit puberty early and experienced some weight fluctuations, which is normal. In middle school, some boys I didn’t even know threw rocks at me on Valentine’s Day. I wrote in my diary about how disgusting I was and how no boy could ever like me because I wasn’t worthy or attractive enough. These self-esteem issues and society’s warped definition of beauty distorted my perception of my own body so much that I believed I was unloveable and gross even through high school, even though I was totally healthy and an average size. In college, I went on a diet that basically only allowed me to eat apples, lettuce with vinegar, and two saltines per day. It has only been in the past few years that I’ve been able to feel any confidence or accept my body. And it’s not a constant thing; I have good days and bad days. Sometimes, I still catch myself thinking how lucky I am that P would date me, even though I’m fat.

It is so unfortunate how easily one incident can ruin months and years of work towards confidence and self-esteem.

And it’s really frustrating to me that Nicole and others are belittling the body positive hashtags that are used to promote self love and foster a kind, safe community for people of all body types to support each other. No one using those hashtags is actively promoting obesity. In fact, most people on those hashtags are trying to live a healthy life. What I think is more telling is the fact that there was even a need for these hashtags. People like the ones above who fat-shame have created such a toxic and hateful environment that these hashtags were created as a place for people to go to find love and acceptance for who they are. Despite what some people may believe, the body positive community is not a place where we all go to eat mountains of food and encourage each other to stay fat. It’s a place where one’s body does not determine how he or she is treated. I don’t think it’s wrong to celebrate people for who they are, rather than what they look like.

Ultimately, the most offensive part of Nicole Arbour’s video and the majority of the support it has received is that she and others try to disguise body-shaming under a cloak of concern for fat people’s health. Nicole claims, “I’m really f**king selfish, and I want to keep you around… I’m not saying all this to be an asshole; I’m saying it because your friends should be saying it to you… I really, really hope this bomb of truth exploding into your face will act as shrapnel that seeps into your soul, makes you want to be healthier so that we can enjoy you as human beings longer on this planet.” I’m sorry, this “bomb of truth”?! A lot of people are defending this video because they want to spread the message that obesity isn’t healthy. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. I know that I should take steps to live a healthier life. But there is nothing wrong with the fact that I choose to love myself and love my body, despite its flaws.

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Strangers like Nicole Arbour do not know why my body is this size, nor do they need to know (spoiler alert: it’s not just because I appreciate a cheeseburger. Shocking, I know!). This video is not inspirational or helpful. It is judgy and mean. I sincerely hope that if you are truly worried for someone’s health and wellbeing, that you find a kind, private way to express these feelings. And I hope that you can be mature enough to respect that everyone’s journey is different, everyone has their own problems, & that everyone makes their own decisions. Someone else’s body, lifestyle, sexual orientation, fashion choices, etc. are not your problem. 

worry bout yoself

I am incredibly thankful for all of the wonderful, kind people who have responded to this video and people’s rude comments with messages of love and acceptance. I HIGHLY recommend watching these videos by Meghan Tonjes, StevieVlogs, and boogie2988. They explain the problem behind “Dear Fat People” so much better than I can. I also really love this video of Meghan’s that talks about misconceptions about fat people.

So please, please, please let’s all be kind to each other. Let us strive daily to remember that we do not know what others have gone through or are going through. Let us not pretend that we know how people should or shouldn’t live their lives. Let us not claim to know the solution to another’s problems. Let us live with grace and love for our fellow human beings.

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At the end of the day, at best, Nicole Arbour is a terrible comedian. At worst, she’s a bully. And if bullying inspired healthy lifestyles, we’d all be fucking Olympians.

 

Return to the Blog! Plus Monday Madness & Mani Monday?

mondaymadness

Sooo… I’m officially a terrible blogger! It’s been months since my last post! I have discovered that having a job and a boyfriend can be quite the time suck. But the good news is that I started a new job in August, and I’m really enjoying it! Also, I started dating P around the same time as I started my job, which is ironic because my last post was all about the benefits of being single… They are still very valid points; however, being in a relationship is also pretty nice too:)

In the coming days, I’m hoping to do some posts about what I’ve been reading and doing lately. I’m trying to get back into the rhythm of blogging. It’s something I want to keep up, so I’m seeing how I can fit it into my not-so-new-anymore schedule.

Anyway, here is the first Mani Monday of the Christmas season! Y’all know I love doing my nails, and I especially love festive nails for the holidays. I’ve said many times that OPI is my favorite polish brand, so I was pretty excited to see what they’d come out with for their holiday collection this year. OPI has been working with Gwen Stefani for a while, and she actually designed the 2014 holiday collection. You can view swatches of the entire collection here. During one of Ulta’s sales, I swung by and picked up four of the new colors: “What’s Your Point-settia?,” “Christmas Gone Plaid,” “Sleigh Parking Only,” & “Red Fingers and Mistletoes.” So far, I’ve tried out each of them except “Red Fingers and Mistletoes.” Unfortunately, I didn’t get pictures of “Sleigh Parking Only” or “Christmas Gone Plaid,” but I’ll likely be using both of them again. Currently, I’m wearing “What’s Your Point-settia?,” which is the perfect Christmas red.

21 Benefits of Being Single

  1. You rarely, if ever, have to plan around someone else’s schedule.
  2. If on a Friday night you simply want to order pizza and sit on the floor in your underwear listening to music all night, you can and you don’t have to justify your choices to anyone.
  3. You can order whatever pizza you want without worrying whether or not someone will like it.
  4. It’s also perfectly acceptable to spend a Friday night in your bathtub with a bottle of wine and your main squeezes Ben & Jerry.
  5. You can listen to whatever the hell you want in the car. Granted, you may sometimes get requests from your friends, but the music fight always seems worse between a couple than between friends.
  6. You never have to censor yourself because of a partner who cheers for a different team than you do. I’m sure the whole “House Divided” concept works for some people, but you know there are some tense moments.
  7. You never have to worry about falling in the toilet in the middle of the night because you know for sure that you were the last person to use the toilet and that you definitely left the seat down.
  8. There is also no fight about the “correct” way to put the tp on the holder. Believe it or not, there are yahoos out there who believe that you should pull from under the roll, rather than from the top.
  9. You never feel pressured to shave your legs in the winter because it’s not like anyone is going to be touching them.
  10. You never have to walk that awkward line between spending enough time with your friends and your significant other.
  11. You’re never that girl/guy who inadvertently pisses off his or her friends by bringing a significant other to an even when they were apparently not invited.
  12. You can eat as much garlic bread at the Olive Garden as you want because you don’t have to worry about kissing anyone goodnight.
  13. You don’t have to worry about someone stealing food off of your plate (unless you’re friends with me, in which case you ALWAYS have to worry about that).
  14. You don’t have to try to hide your period (guys can be squeamish when it comes to the Crimson Horror, when we’re the ones who actually have to lay an egg, then endure one of our internal organs literally ripping its own walls down, but whatevs).
  15. You can gush over your celebrity crush without making your significant other feel like a piece of garbage.
  16. You never have to worry about the fact that your boyfriend’s ideal woman is Adriana Lima and the fact that you’ll never look like Adriana Lima even though, technically, you know he doesn’t really care that you don’t look like Adriana Lima, but you just can’t help but feel a little bit insecure about eating that last piece of pizza or hanging onto that ratty pair of sweatpants when you have to compete with FREAKING ADRIANA LIMA.
  17. No one takes the last of the coffee, leaving you stranded and decaffeinated.
  18. You don’t have to share the covers and you can wander to the other side of the bed if you so choose in the middle of the night. Also, you don’t have to fear a punch if you start snoring.
  19. There are no compromises to make on movie night. If you wanna watch Dirty Dancing for the 300th time, you can. If you want to watch an Indiana Jones marathon, you can.
  20. You’ve got no one to impress when you’re having one of those day on which your hair is a co-op for parakeets, your face has betrayed you and erupted with several new blemishes, and you simply cannot fathom having to put on a bra (of course, a caring partner should still love you and think you’re beautiful, if a little messy, on these days).
  21. You can blare your “Girl Power” playlist as loud as you want and dance around your apartment singing into your hairbrush without worry of being interrupted (or filmed & uploaded to YouTube).

Basically, you can do, say, eat, sing, watch, and wear whatever you want whenever you want just because you can. In an ideal world, we would be able to do this all the time, but we live in a fallen world. Few people are confident enough to be completely themselves 100% of the time around other people, and few of us are accepting enough to embrace someone else’s full-on crazy all the time.

Wednesday Hodgepodge

 

1. “Summer is like childhood. It’s full of warm memories and gone too soon.”~Kellie Elmore  Agree or disagree? Share something you loved about the summers of your childhood.

I probably agree with this quote. I definitely felt like summers went by too fast when I was a kid. I really loved spending time at the pool when I was a kid. I was on a local swim team, and then we would usually also spend time at the pool in the afternoons after morning practice. Towards the end of the school year, I would start daydreaming about the pool, anxious to dive into the cool water and be submerged in the quiet water. I seriously sometimes felt more at home in the water than on land.

2. Are you a fan of auto racing-NASCAR, Indy, Stock, Grand Prix, etc? Ever been to a race in person? Any desire to do this?  Do you know a lot about cars? Do you notice particular makes and models when you’re out and about?

Um, no… I have been to a race (a stock car race, I think). I know next to nothing about cars, though I always thought it would be cool to have mechanical inclinations. I do notice different cars out and about, especially ones that I really like or are the same make as my own car. Once I decided that I like Chevy Tahoes, I started seeing them everywhere.

3. What’s something you think is too serious to be joked about? Or do you think anything and everything is fair game?

Rape. Rape is far too serious and prevalent to joke about. It seems unbelievable to me that someone would joke about rape; however, the Tosh.0 incident a couple of years ago definitely proved me wrong. I understand that some people view humor as a way to cope with serious issues; I just can’t see anything about rape being funny.

4. July 29th is National Lasagna Day. Are you a fan? Do you have a great recipe, and if so where did it come from? If given a choice would you choose a plate of lasagna or a plate of spaghetti?

I don’t like lasagna. I would totally choose spaghetti over lasagna.

5. What’s a simple pleasure you’d miss if it were not a regular part of your life?

i enjoy taking naps

6. If you could be the CEO of any company, which would you choose?

Hmm… Probably a company like Benefit or OPI. I’ve always thought it would be super fun to work at a company that makes beauty products. You’d get to brainstorm new products and test them before marketing them to the public. Plus, I follow OPI’s instagram, and it looks like such a great place to work.

7. August is just around the bend…bid farewell to July in exactly seven words.

“See ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!”

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I received so many positive comments and affirmations about my last “serious” post. I shared it on my facebook, and I was so surprised and touched by the response. Several people shared it on their own pages and so many people “liked” it and commented. I knew that a lot of my female friends would commiserate with my sentiments about misogyny, especially in online dating, but I also got overwhelmingly positive feedback from guys. I think that sometimes it’s hard for men to see everyday sexism taking place, which is one of the reasons why I believe pointing it out and talking about it is so important. I know that sometimes it makes me sound like a broken record, and I do worry that people will start rolling their eyes every time I step up onto my soap box, but it’s important enough to me for me to take that risk. The more people say no and stand against sexism, the better off we will all be.

Sunday Social

Sunday Social
1. 3 Favorite songs right now:

1. “Fancy” by Iggy Azalea

2. “Cruel World” by Lana Del Rey

3. “Held In the Arms of Your Words” by Tired Pony (this song will ruin you for every other song)

2. 3 Favorite movies that remind you of summer:

        1. Fried Green Tomatoes
        2. A Walk to Remember
        3. The Dark Knight

3. 3 Favorite articles of clothing you own:

        1. grey quarter-zip with ZTA crest on the back 
        2. Victoria’s Secret cropped yoga pants
        3. Mossimo moto jacket 

4. 3 Items on your wish list:

        1. Warby Parker “Bensen” eyeglasses
        2. To Write Love On Her Arms floral-filled tank
        3. Folle de Joie eau de parfum

5. 3 Books you would recommend to someone:

      1. Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), by Mindy Kaling
      2. The Awakening, by Kate Chopin
      3. To Kill A Mockingbird, by Harper Lee

How to Make Me Mad as Hell in 3 Words or Less

Never have I ever wanted to punch someone in the face so badly.

A couple of my friends and I have created dating profiles on a free site, mostly just for fun and also to see what’s out there. Yesterday morning, I awoke to this lovely message:

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I seriously considered leaving his username visible, but I decided that I’m too classy for that.

*deep inhale* Ahh! I just love the smell of misogyny in the morning! I mean, who doesn’t love waking up to objectification?

Granted, I realize that by creating an online dating profile in the society in which we live is opening myself up to a certain amount of crass and inappropriate comments (for those who don’t know, “dtf” means “down to f**k.” Basically, it is a way of asking if someone is interested in casual sex). I usually just ignore them and accept them as inevitable (how unbelievably sad is it that women have come to accept this kind of behavior as “normal”?!). But this particular one just pushed me over the edge into full-on ticked off.

Now, my response was not nearly as quick-witted and snarky as I wish. I really wanted to think of something both derisive and insulting. However, I was so flustered and angry that I couldn’t even think of the best comeback. Truthfully, nothing I said probably would have made a difference. This guy clearly didn’t respect me when he decided to send me that message, so it stands to reason that he wouldn’t respect anything I had to say in response.

Setting my attitude towards casual sex aside, this whole proposition seems illogical. If I were a dude looking to hook up with a girl, I’m pretty sure the absolute LAST way I’d go about it would be to first insult the girl by suggesting that she isn’t really worthy of me, but that I’d take pity and settle for her. “Eh, you’re not really that attractive, but you’ll do.” I felt like he was suggesting that I should be grateful that he would even consider me for a sexual partner.

I don’t want anyone to think that this man injured my pride. Granted, like most women, I waiver between feeling incredibly beautiful one day to feeling like a busted can of biscuits the next day. I have learned that I will never fit society’s image of the perfect female form, and I’m mostly ok with that. Also, I do not find this gentleman attractive, nor am I “dtf” (even if I were trolling for casual sex, I would not accept the horizontal tango from a jerk who already let me know that he doesn’t actually find me attractive). What truly and completely pissed me off was that A.) this guy, without knowing me at all, felt it necessary to needlessly insult me, B.) he considered it appropriate to proposition me, again a complete stranger, for sex, C.) he implied that, if I stopped to think about my position as a lowly, overweight, single female in her mid-twenties, I should be incredibly delighted and thankful for such a proposition.

Gee, mister, today must be my lucky day! How fortunate that you came along to offer me the chance to know the physical love of a man, however briefly, before I become a completely irrelevant, shriveled up old spinster!

I am in no way suggesting that this particular example of sexism is comparable to the those faced by many women around the world. The truth is, I’ve never been physically harassed by a man; however, this is not my first encounter with misogyny, and I am absolutely certain it won’t be my last. I have literally had to add to my profile, “Please do not ask me for my bra size.” Yet I still get crap like this on a regular basis:

Did you learn to read?

Did you learn to read?

And there are way better examples of men treating women badly on dating sites (here, here, here, & here). However, this kind of attitude is what modern feminists are trying to shed light on and work to change. For some reason, some men believe that it’s ok to proposition random strangers for sex. What’s worse is that some of these men actually believe that they deserve sex from women. While this particular guy didn’t say so explicitly, it’s clear that he felt superior to me and believed that he was doing me a favor by paying me attention. This is the attitude that sparked the #YesAllWomen movement, which I discussed in this post. A man went on a shooting spree in Santa Barbara, killing six people & wounding many others, all out of frustration because of his belief that women owed him sex. If you took the time to watch his video or read his manifesto, you were likely as horrified as I was by the rhetoric used by Elliot Rodger to describe women and his complete certainty that he was a superior being who deserved women’s love and adoration. He concluded that, by rejecting him sexually, women were declaring war on him: “Women’s rejection of me was a declaration of war. They insulted me by deeming me inferior of their love and sex.” He declared his intent to take retribution on women & an “unfair” society by instigating a  War on Women: “I will punish all females for the crime of depriving me of sex. They have starved me of sex for my entire youth, and gave that pleasure to other men. In doing so, they took many years of my life away. I cannot kill every single female on earth, but I can deliver a devastating blow that will shake all of them to the core of their wicked hearts… They are all spoiled, heartless, wicked bitches. They think they are superior to me, and if I ever tried to ask one on a date, they would reject me cruelly. I will…slaughter every single one of them with my guns and knives…Then we shall see who the superior one really is!”

One can truly see his warped sense of gender balance and his own misguided feelings of superiority in the conclusion of his manifesto:

“The ultimate evil behind sexuality is the human female. They are the main instigators of sex. They control which men get it and which men don’t. Women are flawed creatures, and my mistreatment at their hands has made me realize this sad truth. There is something very twisted and wrong with the way their brains are wired. They think like beasts, and in truth, they are beasts. Women are incapable of having morals or thinking rationally. They are completely controlled by their depraved emotions and vile sexual impulses. Because of this, the men who do get to experience the pleasures of sex and the privilege of breeding are the men who women are sexually attracted to… the stupid, degenerate, obnoxious men. I have observed this all my life. The most beautiful of women choose to mate with the most brutal of men, instead of magnificent gentlemen like myself.

Women should not have the right to choose who to mate and breed with. That decision should be made for them by rational men of intelligence. If women continue to have rights, they will only hinder the advancement of the human race by breeding with degenerate men and creating stupid, degenerate offspring. This will cause humanity to become even more depraved with each generation. Women have more power in human society than they deserve, all because of sex. There is no creature more evil and depraved than the human female.

Women are like a plague. They don’t deserve to have any rights. Their wickedness must be contained in order prevent future generations from falling to degeneracy. Women are vicious, evil, barbaric animals, and they need to be treated as such.”

Obviously, I recognize that the message I received is incredibly minor in comparison to Rodger’s diatribe and, later, his crime. However, the society that accepts “minor” misogyny really only paves the way for men like Elliot Rodger. As a society, we don’t do enough to teach boys that women are not trophies to be earned and won. Even if Elliot Rodger was the most fantastic and wonderful man ever to exist, he still would not deserve a woman’s body and affection as some sort of prize for not being a horrible person. No man (or woman) deserves another human being for being on their best behavior. When I was a kid, we received prizes at the end of the week in elementary school for good grades and good behavior. When did we start treating women the same as a toy or a piece of candy from the prize bucket?

I am also in no way suggesting that all men, or even maybe the majority of men, think that this sort of behavior is appropriate. My father would never say something like that to a woman. My brother would never say that to a woman (and he knows I’d knock him into next week if he ever even thought about it [which he wouldn’t because he’s a nice, respectful young man]). None of my friends (that I know of) would ever speak to a woman like this. However, I do have friends who think it’s funny to tell sexist jokes. “What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap her.” This kind of “humor” is accepted because supposedly we all know that the teller doesn’t really believe that a woman is no better than a machine….Right?

I don’t find these jokes funny at all. I know that the majority of the people who tell these jokes recognize that women are human beings and I know that a lot of people will say that I need to relax and stop being such a tight-ass about it. But I believe that as long as people laugh and think it’s ok to compare women (or any group of persons) to inanimate objects, we will have sexism and we will have men like Elliot Rodger.

Unfortunately, enough of these men do exist that it is a problem. Equally as unfortunate is the fact that every single girl I know has experienced some degree of objectification and disrespect simply because she is a woman. Every single one of them. Luckily, most women do not have to experience such drastic consequences of hate and sexism as Elliot Rodger’s victims. However, is that really enough? Is it really enough that women can count themselves lucky that, even though they were harassed, at least they weren’t raped, assaulted, or killed by a man?

It’s not enough for me.

Wednesday Hodgepodge


1. When I look at the sky I feel________________________________________.

what am i doing with my life

2. If you had to run for political office, which one would you run for? Do you have any real desire to actually do this?

Oh, man. I really honestly have no desire to run for political office. It’s honestly a huge responsibility, and you would never be able to please everyone. I don’t think I could take the pressure.

too much responsibility

3. What scent makes you think of home?

I think everyone’s house has a certain indescribable scent. That being said, I think gardenias and the smell of tea brewing also remind me of home.

4. How often do you take a step back to think about where you’re headed in life? Do you need more or less self-reflection?

Honestly, almost every day. I’m at a transitional point in my life where I could go in one of many different directions. I’ve always been introverted and introspective, so I’d say that I need more self-reflection; however, that can easily turn destructive. Too much time by myself and too much thinking and analyzing can increase my anxiety. So I do have to be careful, even though self-reflection is very important.

5. July is National Ice Cream Month…besides a cone, what’s your favorite food item to top with ice cream?

I like to put fruit in my ice cream. I almost always choose blackberries or raspberries to mix into my ice cream when I go somewhere like Coldstone or Marble Slab.

6. What might your autobiography be called?

Oh, I dread to think… I’ve always thought Be F**king Polite (Please) would be a good one. I think my blog title would be a fairly accurate one. Or something similar to Mindy Kaling’s Is Everybody Hanging Out Without Me?

7. Your least favorite mode of transportation? Why?

I hate, hate, hate the subway. Hate it. It just goes too fast, seems to unstable and closed in. I just have this horrible vision of the train running off the rails deep in some tunnel and crashing into the walls or being trapped in a tunnel collapse. I really don’t like any mode of transport other than a personal vehicle or plane (I really don’t know why I’m ok with planes, but not trains or buses).

8.  Insert your own random thought here.

Sunday Social

Sunday Social

1. What is the most difficult thing you have been through?

March-September 2012

2. What was your best birthday?

Since this question has already been asked, I shall refer you to this post in order to avoid being redundant.

3. What has been your favorite thing you’ve done in your own city?

Well, I live in a college town, so there’s not that much to do or see, especially in the summers. I think everyone knows though that my favorite thing to do here is go to Clemson baseball games.

4. What is your idea of the perfect date night?

I don’t think there is any one perfect type of date night. Sometimes, a perfect date might be going to a nice restaurant. Other times, it might be afternoon shopping and catching a baseball game. It could just be ordering chinese food and marathoning Firefly.

5. Have you ever been to a blogging conference? If so which one(s)? If not do you want to?

I haven’t ever been to a blogging conference. I think it could be fun. Will there be free food?

10 Beauty Tricks

Happy weekend, everyone! Here’s a short little list of some tricks I often use in my beauty routine that I thought I’d share with y’all. Some of these are pretty common tricks, but not everyone knows about them. Hopefully one or two of them will be useful to you!

  1. To remove fallout from glitter eyeshadow or eyeliner, take a piece of Scotch tape and gently touch it to your skin to grab up any wayward pieces.
  2. Baking soda is a great exfoliant. Simply pour a little into a shallow dish, add a little bit of water (not too much or the paste won’t be dense enough). Gently wet your face, then grab up some of the paste on your fingers and gently rub it on your skin. Be careful not to get overzealous with the scrubbing or you will rub your skin raw & make it red. The scrub will wash off easily with warm water.
  3. To help lipstick go on smoothly, apply chapstick beforehand.
  4. Turn any of your eyeshadows into an eyeliner by wetting a small, thin brush (I usually use ELF’s small angled brush) and lining your lash line.
  5. Use conditioner or coconut oil instead of shaving cream. Either product will moisturize your skin better than shaving cream.
  6. To prevent eyeliner on your bottom lash line from running, swipe a translucent powder just underneath the liner to set it.
  7. If your lips are dry and flaky, & you don’t have a lip scrub, gently buff your toothbrush over your lips to smooth them.
  8. When you want your makeup to stay put for a special event, lightly spray your face with aerosol hairspray.
  9. Use small facial razors like these to eliminate facial hair & keep your eyebrows in shape. Running one of these razors over your skin regularly takes  care of that peach fuzz some women have on their cheeks especially. This helps your makeup look smoother. (You can find similar razors for very cheap at Walmart or Target).
  10. If you don’t have any dry shampoo handy and your hair is a bit oily, sprinkly some baby powder on your roots and comb through your hair. The powder will absorb some of the oil and mattify your hair.